Alone for the holidays

Just got an email from a reader-

Happy Holidays Jennifer:

I am a regular reader of your “Love Notes” column and have seen you on WGN TV midday news. It’s always an inspiration when you read about those lasting relationships and how they came together.

I’m facing another Blue Christmas without a significant other after a long marriage that ended six years ago. I’ve done everything I could to reclaim my life and set a new course for the future. But frankly, it’s hard starting over. It’s even harder to find a companion as I’m way beyond the bar scene. I guess I’m wondering if maybe you could offer some advice in your column for those of us facing the dating minefield.

My curse is being a hopeless Romantic and searching for that magic feeling again. Unfortunately, I think many women have been so damaged by failed relationships and lack of trust that they are reluctant to venture forth. I pride myself on being a good father and devout Christian. I would appreciate any recommendations on how and where to meet mature women (over 40).

Thank you, and please continue to give all of us that hope for a better future.


Dear Bernie-

While I’m no expert, my latest theory is that we can’t think we “need” another person to make our lives complete, such as your comment that you are having a “Blue Christmas” without a significant other. I think the moment you feel filled up with yourself, your friends, family and life, is the moment you will find someone- (if that is meant to be the case.) I personally have found that many men think they have to be in a “couple” to be complete and that, in and of itself, is a turn off to mature women nowadays.

So the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves. And that needs to be nurtured before we can give to another person. The “romantic” in you wants a happy ending like in the movies- but we crave that because it’s a high, which is really no different than getting high from drugs or booze or a food addiction. The real “high” is from your own love within yourself.

So be good to yourself and stop seeking a romance to make you whole.

Then whatever comes might be a surprise…but you won’t be looking for it.

Have a wonderful holiday-




3 Replies to “Alone for the holidays”

  1. what a brilliant comment. I spent two years on my own after a relationship ended and it was the best two years ever! I reconnected with myself, what I like to eat, what programmes I liked to watch, How I liked to sleep with the bedroom window wide open, It is only when you have time to be alone do you realise how much of yourself you give up in a relationship and you need to heal too. when I felt ready to date again, I gave the universe a list of the qualities I knew I needed in a man, ‘no issues’ was on my list twice! he had to grow to love my children and I had to be able to love his. he had to support all I did in my work as a medium but didn’t have to be involved with it if it wasn’t for him, he had to have a sense of humour, god knows living with someone who regularly saw ‘dead people’ he would need one! he had to be taller than me, he had to have a hairy chest and legs, I knew he would have blue eyes so that was fine, oh yes I was specific and guess what? we met a month later and he was everything on my list! everything. we are now married and It’s wonderful. so when you are ready, and you’ll know when you are, make your list and remember be specific don’t just ask for a man otherwise you may get a short fat ginger one. 🙂

  2. I just now ran across this site and am in awe of the above post and comments. It rings SO true yet I have yet to learn this lesson myself.
    I should also say that a friend sent me an article of Jen’s titled “how to be alone” but I am unable to open it and I’m very interested in reading it. So i googled Jen Weigel and landed on this site. I still would like to get that article so I’m hoping Jen can provide that for me.

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